I really need to stop jump roping at parties! I mean I impress everyone - but I hate having to explain why I know how to jump rope so well. Who knew a skill learned at 9-years-old would come in so handy at 24?
“Something that’s inside of me
It’s something that I cannot see
Like rules and regulations
Passed down for generations
I wish I had my very own flag,
And as I walk away
I can hear you say
I wish that I had my own flag”—LTJ
Just got this email from my mom, thought it was super cute.
SARA; OPRAH JUST GAVE AWAY THE 2012 VW BUG TO ALL. SHE ALSO SAID THAT THE REASON SHE HAS DONE THIS SHOW ALL THESE YEARS IS BECAUSE SHE WANTED PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT WONDERFUL THINGS CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. I LOVE THAT. FOOD FOR THOUGHT. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS AROUND THE NEXT CORNER.LOVE YOU,MOM
“She said, “Don’t, don’t let it go to your head. Boys like you are a dime a dozen. Boys like you are a done a dozen.”
She said, “You’re a touch overrated. You’re a lush and I hate it. But these grass stains on my knees they won’t mean a thing!”
And all I (All I) need to know is that I’m something you have been missing. Maybe I should hate you for this, never really did ever quite get that far. Maybe I should hate you for this, never really did ever quite get that… far.”—
“I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls… but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, “Fuck it, cut em up!”—Mitch Hedberg
He let go of her ankles, drew in his hands, and laid the side of his face on his right forearm. “Well,” he said, “you know how those things happen, Sybil. I was sitting there, playing. And you were nowhere in sight. And Sharon Lipschutz came over and sat down next to me. I couldn’t push her off, could I?” "Yes." "Oh, no. No. I couldn’t do that," said the young man. "I’ll tell you what I did do, though." "What?" "I pretended she was you." Sybil immediately stooped and began to dig in the sand. “Let’s go in the water,” she said. "All right," said the young man. "I think I can work it in." "Next time, push her off," Sybil said. "Push who off?" "Sharon Lipschutz." "Ah, Sharon Lipschutz," said the young man. "How that name comes up. Mixing memory and desire." He suddenly got to his feet. He looked at the ocean. "Sybil," he said, "I’ll tell you what we’ll do. We’ll see if we can catch a bananafish." "A what?"
"A bananafish," he said, and undid the belt of his robe. He took off the robe. His shoulders were white and narrow, and his trunks were royal blue. He folded the robe, first lengthwise, then in thirds. He unrolled the towel he had used over his eyes, spread it out on the sand, and then laid the folded robe on top of it. He bent over, picked up the float, and secured it under his right arm. Then, with his left hand, he took Sybil’s hand.
I have never wanted to put someone in my pocket so much. Would you want to live in my pocket? I promise not to crush you with my keys. I have never been this awake to all senses. I sense, that you haven’t either. This cold apartment has never been filled with so many honest laughs. I have never felt lips that soft, tasted so sweet. Never had a best friend, someone I can trust with personal thoughts, someone I can feel safe with. Maybe we can get matching necklaces I can wear around my neck. Around my neck that you kiss with your soft lips. I have never felt so alone in my own bed without you here. This bed is much too large for a little person like me. We fit in flawlessly together in the perfect white sheets. This apartment has never been this empty. Maybe I should move closer to you. The driving has become too much for my tires. And do you have any idea how much tolls cost? I have never been this alone. I blame it all on that damn train.